Now we all know that Bethesda, as a developer and saviour of the world, is staffed entirely by ninja wizards with eighties sunglasses and other such artefacts of ultimate win, and this is how they came to create such modern-day interactive holy texts such as Bioshock, Oblivion and Fallout 3... But what the general populace do not know is that Bethesda have delved into the realms of creating more than just video games...

For example, the brand new Bethesda Toaster not only toasts bread to perfection, but also butters it, applies your favourite preserve and hands it to you on a golden platter with a side of caviar.

The Bethesda Asthma Inhaler not only cures asthma entirely, but turns the user into a herculean super man capable of lifting mountains and taming lions with a mere whisper.

It was recently announced that Bethesda would be re-releasing every game ever made, thus improving them all one hundred billion times over.

Needless to say if Bethesda was a single human being (and not a coalition of deities) I would marry it and forever bask in the glow of it's beautiful genius. But until that day I will have to rely on the brand new Bethesda Girlfriend. She comes in a variety of styles and sizes, and comes bundled with The Shivering Isles expansion pack for Oblivion. What more could you want in a woman...